Yana Panova

Instead of an epilogue

Only today, on the fifth day of the war, when I was frying pies, I realized that I had to do something so as not to go crazy. I will keep a diary of the war so that people can find out later what is happening. Even if no one is interested in this, I hope that someday I will wake up in a peaceful country, re-read all this and understand how happy I am. And never again will I complain that I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning on an alarm clock to get my husband to work. Because I realized in these five days how terrible other “alarm clocks” are.


The first day

Woke up from volleys. Immediately behind the phone, and there is already panic. In all chats: parental, work, friends — everyone is doing a roll call. I open the Internet, yes, Putin declared war on Ukraine. Under a different name, but everyone understands what it really is. But still unbelievable. Further, the day turns into one endless chat with all friends and acquaintances (How are you? How are you?). Still trying to withdraw cash, buy groceries, medicines, but it's all useless. The queues are such that we refuse this idea and go home with our youngest daughter Masha, because we are very busy. The husband is released from work because "something is going on." But he comes home not just, but with a "gift", a temperature of 39 °. I understand that this is clearly covid. All pleasures in one: war and this terrible disease. I have a panic, because I understand that there are practically no medicines at home, and even from this. Friends from Kyiv, having learned about my problem, offer to send it by mail. But what mail? The mail was still yesterday, but now it's all no longer working. But anyway, thanks for the offer. I'm going crazy, because I have no idea where to hide the family 'if something happens'. We are trying to find out how things are going with our official shelter, according to the list on the city website. This turns out to be the basement of our twelve-story building and it is absolutely not prepared to be a refuge, it was just filed for show. My girls from the Leadership Academy are trying to somehow support each other. They suggest writing "my three useful things that I did today." I understand that from the “useful” I could only panic today. For the first time in a day I smile and go to sculpt dumplings.

It was our first night on the hallway floor. We realized that it was not in vain that we spent money on an air mattress in the summer. Mattress — buy of the year! The dog rejoices most of all: dreams come true, the whole family is together on the floor with him! The night passed surprisingly quietly.

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